h_woodheathers (h_woodheathers) wrote in hwoodheathers,

Once, Twice, Three Times a Baby

In what can only be called yet another publicity faux pas (sidenote: new reality show idea I'm copyrighting: Hackin' It, where wannabe publicists are given weekly challenges of how to untarnish Captain Famewhore and Princess Hot Mess' reputations), someone else came forward in this week’s “I Saw Suri Cruise!” derby. This time, rather than a Scientologist (Leah Remini), who yammered:

"She's a beaming baby," Remini tells PEOPLE in its new issue. "She looks like Tom and Katie. She's just beautiful."

As for Suri's folks, Cruise is "one of those doting dads," says Remini, who, like Cruise and Holmes, is a Scientologist.

"They're just great parents," Remini adds.

And not just a semi-Clam who happens to be a good friend of The Wee Maniac’s, Jada “she’s a man, baby” Pinkett-Smith, who proclaimed:

"She's one of the sweetest babies I've ever met in my life," Pinkett Smith says. "She's an absolute beauty and she's Daddy's little girl."

"She's beautiful and they're very happy and they need to be left alone.”

No, no, this time the source is much more believable. It’s Penelope “Will Beard for Cheap” Cruz, the midget’s ex-girlfriend, who, despite *being in Europe for the last 3 months* says she, too, has “met” Suri:

"I met Suri. She is really beautiful. She is really special," the 32-year-old actress told reporters Thursday at the London premiere of her new film, Volver. "One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. And I am extremely happy for them. They are really happy and doing great. (Sidenote, Part Deux: Today, PC is suddenly doing an about face and saying she "doesn't want to talk about it" and claiming she didn't realize that her comments would be distributed to the masses. Understandable, sure. I mean, it's not like she made these statements in a press line, at a premiere, to a reporter holding a microphone in her face. Oh, wait...YES SHE DID!)

Huh. Well. Hmmm. Ya know, I’m not linguistics expert, but notice anything interesting about all three proclamations? They all say basically the same couple of things: Fringe is beautiful and the Dwarf and Kool-Aid are “great.” Oh, not to mention Jada and Pene note that they’ve “met” an infant. Was it a formal introduction? Did they shake hands? Why, if I didn’t know any better I’d say these were scripted responses. Funny that, eh?

Yeah, to blatantly steal from Dr. Seuss, “the three words that best describe this, are, and I quote:




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